hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
