is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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