he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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