i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
