It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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