You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
