either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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