hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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