Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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