Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
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We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
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My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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