in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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