Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...