I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.