You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?