We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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