4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now