It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
