Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
