he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
