Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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