I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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