Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
