So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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