my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
