Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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