ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Randomize
