Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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