How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
