the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
God, I missed his penis.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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