Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
