he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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