end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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