wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
