Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
