OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize