At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
