her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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