The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
