loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
