I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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