Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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