we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
