Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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