The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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