I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
