Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
