My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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