I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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