Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
