If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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