Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize