i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
