I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
