someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
