Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
