My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
