when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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