what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
