I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
