420 ftw
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My vagina is officially offended.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
