just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
