She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
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In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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