I think i peed on brittanys purse
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
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