I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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