maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
